Saturday, November 20, 2010

Thinking Out Loud

It is a beautiful fall day.  Captain Daddy and Godzilla are off on a Boy Scout camping trip.  There is much I should be doing, but I can’t seem to get the motivation.  I have dear friends in China right now getting ready to adopt a little girl.  I’m jealous with a godly jealously:)

I think about adoption a lot. Really, I think about adoption ALL.THE. TIME. 

There is a book written by Jeff Gammage titled “China Ghosts.”  It is about his adoption experience.  It is one that I can relate to, maybe you can too.  The adoption secret that is kept quiet until you have adopted a child is this, you don’t just bring a child into your family/home.  You bring home the countless faces of the children remaining in orphanages/foster care.  Mr. Gammage writes,

“They don’t tell you that the children of the orphanage are all coming home with you. That these kids, with their wan smiles and growling stomachs, are going to follow you across the ocean, move into your house, inhabit your dreams”.

Why is it that my heart would love nothing more than to bring another child into our home, but that for so many reasons it won't happen?

Why is it that any child would have to wait for a forever family?

Why is it so expensive to adopt a child?

Why is it that I can't get out of my mind the face of a specific little girl in China?

Why is it that I have dreams of adopting 2 more children from China (boy and girl) though that door is closed?

Why is it that I can't accept that the door is closed?

Why is it that God doesn't take this desire out of my heart instead of letting it torment me?

Why do I even think I can take on any more than I have now?

Why is it that I feel like I am in a desert, or at least Jockey's Ridge at the Outer Banks:)?

I KNOW it is God’s will to take care of orphans.  But have we done all that God has called us to do?  By “we” I am referring to my husband and I.  I know collectively, we haven’t.


Kim K. said...

Dear friend - I'm right there with you. I have 2 friends (one in China right now and one leaving next Saturday). I'm envious. I want to go back...sigh. HUGS!!

The Adventurer said...

Thanks for following and I am following back. My husband and I have talked about adoption but we have our hands full with our 2 already. I think it is fab that you have adopted:)

Annie said...

(((((HUGS))))) to you sweet friend!!! I know your heart!

Susan Evans said...

Wow, how heart-wrenching, to see every orphan in the eyes of the one you have adopted. Wow, that just makes you want to weep!

Shanna said...

Totally know how you are feeling! Every time a friend heads to China, I long to add another sweetie to our family!